


Does Whatever a Spider Can

by Hammocker



Series: The Supreme Being Teaches Spider-man How to be in Love [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Animal Traits, Biting, Breaking and Entering, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crime Fighting, Developing Relationship, Dry Humping, Explicit Sexual Content, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Loss of Control, M/M, Peter tries to suck Wade's fluids out and not in a good way, Pizza time, Pre-Slash, Rimming, Spider-like Tendencies, Web Bondage, what do you expect?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-08-22 12:01:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8285147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hammocker/pseuds/Hammocker
Summary: Wade just wanted to pay a ritual visit to his little spider friend, but things got weird. When do they ever not get weird?





	1. Chapter 1

Whenever he got back from a job, Wade went and paid Peter a visit. It had become a kind of tradition and something to look forward to ever since he’d figured out where Spider-man lived. Sure, Peter wasn’t always the happiest to see him. In fact, he was pretty freaked out the first time. And the second. And a few others after that. But Peter had calmed down after a while and they’d even had some nice talks together. Well, they were nice for Wade anyway. He couldn’t tell whether or not Peter liked something most of the time. One way or another, though, Wade always climbed the fire escape and visited.

Having just returned from a job in Slovakia, Wade slid Peter’s apartment window open. Just as unlocked as he’d left it. An unlocked window was always an invitation, after all, and how could he refuse an invitation from Peter? Or maybe the lock had just broken a while back. But if Peter wasn’t replacing it, then hey, he must have really wanted Wade around. They were kinda friends after all. Peter had only yelled at him once for waking him up in the middle of the night so that had to count for something.

Wade wormed his way inside and dropped to the floor.

“Honey, I’m-” Wade stopped mid-sentence as he looked up.

Most of the room had been almost entirely consumed by an enormous web, stretching from wall to wall adjacent to the window. Well, it was enormous given the size of apartment. It wasn’t really all that big compared to some of the webs dear old Spidey had spun around the city before. Wade had always kind of assumed that they were for catching criminals. Did Peter get a lot of criminal traffic in his apartment?

Right at the top of the web, Peter was crouched upside down, feet on the ceiling, hands on the web. His face was angled toward the window, but his eyes were far away, and he wasn’t wearing anything but a pair of pajama pants. Wade had a wonderful view of him in the late afternoon light. But then, that raised the question: how long had he been there? He was hanging there stock still, kinda like a sloth. No algae growing yet at least. Still it was a little past weird for Peter and Wade knew Peter’s weird limits.

“Hi, Petey,” Wade called, raising a hand in the hope that he’d be acknowledged. “How ya doing?”

Peter didn’t answer. He just stayed exactly where he was, staring forward.

“Great day, huh? And even better now that your incredibly handsome best buddy Deadpool is back? Aw, you flatterer you.”

Still nothing. Not even a blink.

“I, uh, I sorta wanted to use your shower,” Wade continued, stepping up in front of the web and looking up at Peter. “Your web thingy is in the way a little, I’m just gonna sneak past and-” He reached out a hand and touched one of the web’s fibers. One of his best decisions ever, in retrospect.

In an instant, Peter was crawling down the web, focus intent on Wade. Not the adoring focus he might have expected, though, no, it was more like a I’m-gonna-eat-you-and-not-in-the-fun-way kinda focus. Wade might have been worried if it wasn’t the first time he’d been gnawed on. Peter came face to face with him and his first act was securing Wade’s already stuck palm even further. He spun out strands of web smaller than what Wade was used to seeing from him, but just as strong as they accumulated. His left hand was totally surrounded and secure within seconds. At that point, a strand shot out from Peter’s wrist at his opposite hand and was dragged towards the web, where it met the same fate.

“Pe-ete, at least buy me dinner first,” Wade whined, pulling at the restraints feebly.

No reply, no surprise, but Peter hopped farther down the web to grab Wade by the ankles and pull them out from under him. He hauled them through some gaps in the web and dragged them farther up. Wade promptly found himself in a very awkward upside down position, head over heels and back straining. From the little he could see and feel, his feet were getting the same treatment his hands had gotten.

“You know, we should really figure out a safeword if this is gonna be a thing.”

He pulled experimentally at the bonds around his ankles, finding himself well and truly stuck. It was kinda fun, really, being stuck upside down. He might have to ask Peter to do this again. Maybe with a better position for his back. He was almost looking forward to Peter’s next move. Locking down his middle so he couldn’t squirm? Sucking him dry of his fluids? Wandering off and waiting for him to pass out or starve? Maybe not that last one; that could get boring within a week. The fluids things sounded kinda nice, depending on the angle you took. But no, after just a moment’s hesitation Peter grabbed his left leg and that was definitely a set of teeth biting into his calf through the cloth of his costume. Maybe he really hadn’t been too far off about getting eaten. If only his interests extended to spider vore.

At that point, the movement stopped, though, the teeth remained dug in for a moment. It wasn’t quite enough pressure to draw blood or even tear his outfit. Actually it was kinda pleasant, like a small, rough massage. He was almost sad when they drew back and things were still for a moment. Peter shifted around a bit before he gave a gag and a cough.

“Oh, God,” Peter shuddered from above. Back to his usual self at last. “Oh, God, Wade.”

“Spider bondage and biting, Petey?” Wade chirped. “You’re awful adventurous today.”

“Oh, God, I did it again.” Peter dropped down with a thump behind him. “Why does this have to happen?”

“What, being upside down on a web with your favorite merc?”

“God, you don’t even-” He shook his head and groaned. “Let me get you down, I don’t want to see you with blood rushing to your head.”

“Aw, you do care.”

Wade probably could have gotten out of the webbing himself if he really wanted to, but it was much nicer to have his dearest spider take care of him. He heard more shuffling from behind before Peter came back and started spray something at his ankles. From what little he could see, the squirt can Peter had was full of a clear fluid that looked like water, but definitely wasn’t. Within seconds, his feet were released and dropped back down to the floor, bringing him face to face with Peter.

“Thank you,” he crooned, arching his back and waiting as Peter sprayed his wrists down.

His hands were free in no time and Peter moved on to deal with the rest of the thing.

“What a mess,” Peter mumbled as the web dissolved and crumpled into itself.

“Well, I thought it was fun,” Wade said as he flexed his fingers.

“You would,” Peter said, rolling his eyes.

Rude, Spidey, rude. Was that the cue to ask questions about the entire situation? Yeah, concern seemed like the right way to go.  
“I know you’ve got the spider blood and everything, but I didn’t think you liked having webs in your place.”

“I’m sorry,” Peter said, rubbing his head and placing the spray back on his desk. “I just- I get these impulses and I haven’t really worked out how to deal with them or why they happen or anything.”

“Well, they happen because you’ve got some kinda spidery experimental stuff in you, even I can figure that one out,” Wade said with a shrug. “And you’re what? Nineteen now? That’s not gonna help with impulses.”

Peter gave a curt snort of laughter. Success, finally.

“I guess,” he said with a shrug. “I mean- I don’t totally know what changed in me with the spider powers, but it’s gotta be on the DNA level. Not much could have changed, since I didn’t change much physically, but if it gave me the senses of a spider then it must have done something to my brain chemistry.”

“I heard all the words you said, Pete, but science babble isn’t really my thing.”

“I’m saying-” Peter emphasized with a roll of his eyes. He was just adorable when he was annoyed. “-that I might have picked up useless spider instincts with the web and everything.”

“Useless?” Wade laughed. “If it gets me wrapped up spider web and bitten by you, that ain’t useless.”

“Sitting on the ceiling waiting for someone to stumble into it is not something I want to happen,” Peter said, growing more anxious with every word. “What if it was my landlord? Or my aunt? Or anyone except you?”

“You get some great stories to tell at parties?”

“Why do I bother talking to you?” Peter asked, shaking his head. “You’re no help.”

Peter sat down on his bed and curled up into himself. Now, Wade could take insults. They were usually accurate, after all, but being called unhelpful? That was just not true. Wade was about as helpful as anyone could get. Sure, he generally charged for his help, but he was damn good at helping so he had every right to. But he wouldn’t with Peter. Peter was a sweetheart. A broke sweetheart.

“What am I gonna do?” Peter whimpered

“I dunno,” Wade said, sitting down on the bed next to Peter. “Invite me over more?”

“I’ve never invited you over,” Peter deadpanned.

“Well then I’ll just have to come over more and make sure you’re not getting all spidery when you don’t want to be.”

“What if I get an impulse when I’m out?” Peter asked, rolling onto his back and doing his best not to look at Wade. “I could hurt someone.”

“Bet your boss would have a field day with that.”

Peter let out a long sigh and rubbed at his head. “Yeah, that’d be just great.”

“You haven’t hurt anyone who wasn’t a jerk before,” Wade offered. “I don’t know why you would now.”

The frown on Peter’s face stayed firmly where it was. Oh, how he wanted to grab Peter and pinch his cheeks. The cheeks on his face, you deviant. 

“Bu-ut, I could play spotter a little and make sure you’re doing okay on the job.”

Peter’s eyes flicked over to look at him, but he kept the walled-off attitude. “What? Not going to Siberia this week or whatever it is you do?”

“Nah. Did a job last week so that’ll keep me going for a couple days.”

Peter raised his brow, finally looking directly at Wade. “And you expect me to believe you’re not just gonna fuck with me?”

“Peter!” Wade said, putting a hand to his chest. “I am disgusted that you’d question my purest of heart motivations.”

“Nothing about you is pure, Wade.”

“Well, no. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to make sure the little spider is okay.” He nudged Peter and gave a grin despite his face still being covered. “Come on, you can always kick me around if I’m a real pain in the ass.” He knew Peter wouldn’t. He never did even if he could. Sweetie Petey.

Peter’s expression tightened and he tilted his head back and forth. It was like watching a dice roll, a one in six chance that Peter would say yes and five more chances that he’d demand Wade get the hell out of his apartment. Come on, come on, come on...

“Couldn’t hurt any more than the stupid spider impulses, I guess,” he said after a long moment. “And I can think of worse people to have around.”

Yes, good roll.

“You give the best compliments, Peter,” he said, leaning back so he laid over Peter’s legs. “And you can go spidery on me any time.”

“You’re so weird,” Peter groaned. “Don’t change.”

“I don’t know if I could if I wanted to.”

“Kinda figured, but- y’know.”

“Nope, don’t know.” Not entirely true, but Wade knew an opportunity when he saw one.

“You’re- well, it’d be weirder if you weren’t, you know, you.”

That made Wade pause. Not many things made him hesitate, but it wasn’t every day someone told him to not shut up and to not be violently unpredictable and to be strange. Now if anything was weird here it was that. He was used to Peter putting up with him, talking to him, letting him eat his food, but telling him that he liked him the way he was? That was new. He could get used to that if he didn’t watch himself.

“Yeah, that would be pretty weird, wouldn’t it?” he said, nodding idly.

“Yeah,” Peter agreed. “You’re kinda making my legs numb.”

“All eight of them?” Wade asked, sitting up again.

“I’m not that far gone.”

“Aw. I’d like to see you with eight legs.”

He felt one of Peter’s legs tap up against his thigh in what was probably supposed to be a kick.

“Well, I want to not be a spider-freak, but we can’t always get what we want.”

“I usually get what I want,” Wade said, leaning down towards him. “I could get you lots of things you want.”

Peter sighed and turned back onto his side away from Wade.

“If you want to use my damn shower, go ahead,” he said, waving Wade away. “I’m taking a nap.”

“Thanks, Peter!” Wade crooned, reaching down to ruffle his hair before standing to do exactly as he was told. He always liked it when Peter was feeling nice. It made him feel nice even though Wade had kinda given up on feeling good years ago. That was the weirdest part of being around Peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always wanted to write a Wade/Peter fic called The Supreme Being Teaches Spider-man How to be in Love. With how many fics are titled after songs, why not? And why not just put all of them under that title as a larger series umbrella? God knows barely anyone has heard the song. Is the content of the song completely relevant? No. But you know if no one else is gonna use it in this context (as far I know), I will. I want to get superfamily involved under the title at some point. And pizza time, of course. I want as much use out of it as possible.
> 
> With that, I'll leave this here. Predicting four chapters for this piece, might be more. [The Supreme Being Teaches Spider-man How to be in Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Fb1p39n1YI)


	2. Chapter 2

The next couple days were amazing. For once, Peter was letting Wade tag along on his patrols without telling him to piss off and go home. He had to keep up with Spidey’s web-slinging, but a little roof-hopping in exchange for quality time with his favorite spider? It was practically unfair on Peter’s end. Not that Wade was about to complain.

Of course, he hadn’t forgotten why he was there. Peter had brought him along so that someone could help if he went spidery. Although, Wade wasn’t exactly sure what he’d do if that happened. They hadn’t planned that far ahead. Kinda weird that Peter hadn’t made him come up with a strategy, come to think of it. In any case, Peter could overpower him no problem if he used his full strength and Wade really didn’t want to pull a gun on Peter. Not like that would work, spider sense and everything. But Peter had been totally under control 56 hours in. Yes, Wade was counting. He’d been beating up thugs and dealing with a freaky bird-man and an idiot in a rhino costume. Wade hadn’t even had to intervene so far. Well, actually, he hadn’t really been allowed to.

He’d jumped down to help out with rhino-man, but as soon as he’d gotten close, Peter had shoved him back off to the sidelines.

“I can handle this,” he’d insisted

“Uh, Spidey...” Deadpool said, staring behind him.

Just before rhino-man could barrel into them both, Peter shoved Wade away again and sent himself flipping back at the same time. Rhino was left with a face full of concrete.

And Peter could handle it. That didn’t mean Wade didn’t want to help. Wade was very helpful and he’d prove it if he had to. But it was fine like it was. Wade could play cheerleader. Ooh, he should have broken out a cheerleader outfit. Maybe tomorrow night.

As for that night, things had been quiet so far. Spidey had taken down a couple muggers, but nothing major. It was pretty boring, really. Deadpool sure as hell wouldn’t have just tooled around waiting for things to happen. Not for free.

All of a sudden, Spidey stopped on top of some art gallery looking place and stared down into an alley below. Deadpool hurried to catch up to him, praying for a zombie outbreak or crab-people or something interesting. But as he stood next to Spidey and peered down, it was just a bunch of regular art thieves, ski masks and all. Yawn.

“Wait here,” Peter ordered under his breath.

“I love it when you call the shots,” Wade said, playing up a husky rasp.

Spidey shook his head and probably rolled his eyes too before crawling down to the second story of the building and hopping inside through an open window, leaving him alone.

So Deadpool waited. And waited. And waited some more. Actually, only ten minutes had passed, but nothing was happening still. He was getting bored and a little tempted to go in after Peter. He could be in danger for all Wade knew. Hah. Nah. For a kid his age, Peter handled himself pretty well. Mostly because of his ridiculous strength and bullet-dodging senses. Still, he could go in and cheer Peter on. That’d be fun for everyone.

A scream echoed from the other side of the building. A really girly scream that Wade knew had had to have come out of some disposable thug. It was kinda weird to have somebody screaming like that. Spidey was good at beating people up, but he didn’t terrorize people. Usually. As far as Wade knew. But maybe it wasn’t Spidey. How many minutes had passed then? Thirty? Wade had stopped counting.

He sauntered over to opposite side of the building and peered down at the alley below. Sure enough, there was Spidey and there was the girly screaming thug. He wasn’t screaming anymore, though. Actually it looked like he’d passed out while getting plastered up against the wall in some web. And Spidey’s mask was pulled up just below his nose. Kinda weird.

“Woo, got him, Spidey!” Deadpool called from the roof, a little too excited even for him.

No reaction. Okay, that was definitely a bad sign. And so were the strands of web that Peter was starting to weave across the alley at an alarming rate. How fast could spiders build webs again? Too fast, if Wade remembered right. Maybe an hour tops? If it was an hour for little spiders, he’d hate to know how fast his little spider could build. But then he probably wasn’t remembering right. That didn’t matter, though; this was the part where he actually got to do something.

Wade vaulted over the edge of the roof and hopped down the fire escape. Peter’s web was expanding rapidly with no signs of stopping. Touching the thing was a one way ticket to hanging upside down and possibly getting eaten for a week. No, Wade was going to have to have to take drastic measures.

“I’m so sorry, clean you later, promise,” he mumbled as he pulled out one of his katanas.

With no hesitation, Wade ran under the web and started slashing away at its structure. The blade didn’t get stuck, something that he’d worried might happen. His swords were web proof, good to know. Spidery-Pete, however, didn’t seem to be paying much attention. Where Deadpool cut down, spider built back up. The threads formed just as fast as Wade could deform them and his katana was rapidly building up web residue.

“Come on, eight-legs, come at me already!” Deadpool yelled as he leapt at the spider himself and slapped him across the chest with the flat of his blade.

Man-spider gave a choked hiss at that point and finally turned to look at Wade.

“You heard me, bug-boy, get over here and hit me!” he challenged, giving the come-at-me gesture with his free hand.

Spider seemed to have other ideas and casually dropped down from his ramshackle web, standing hunched in front of Wade. He gaped his jaw, showing off his teeth, and Wade was pretty sure he was trying to look like a big, scary spider, but it just kind of looked goofy when a guy in spandex did it. What was less funny was the noticeable tear and deep red patch on Peter’s middle. Someone actually got close enough to shank Spider-man? Impressive. Whoever it had been, he was worthy of a Darwin award.

“Sorry to tell you this, but you’re not actually a spider. Man. Come to think of it, you’re barely even a man, baby boy.”

Spider kept advancing slowly on Wade, hissing quietly. Taunting: ineffective. Wade was going to keep doing it anyway.

“Come on, Pete, snap out of it. Don’t you remember your best buddy Deadpool?”

Deadpool took one step forward and that was that. Spider lunged at him and bit his shoulder hard, pushing him back towards the nearest wall at the same time. Holy shit, Peter wasn’t fucking around with the spider strength. It was like having a steam roller bearing down on him. Deadpool had to drop his sword and brace his hands against Man-spider, digging his heels in as best he could. For all his effort, it only made the slow, sure push drag out even longer.

“How can something so tiny be so frickin’ strong?” Deadpool gritted out, straining to stay in place.

He was going to need new boots with how badly their soles were skidding across concrete. It would have been a great workout if Spidey wasn’t all spidery and if Deadpool actually needed to work out. As it was, though, it chipped at his pride just a little to be pushed back against a brick wall.

Once Wade was close enough to the wall, Spider shot a whole glob of web out at his legs and plastered his legs to the wall that way.

“No foreplay, really?”

Just as soon as he quipped, though, Spider was biting him again, this time closer the neck. Wade was used to pain, but he reflexively pulled back. Man-spider definitely was trying to break his skin this time, but couldn’t seem to quite do it. Maybe, just maybe, Peter loved him so deeply that it was keeping his arachnid quirks in check. Ha! Ha. Deadpool couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the thought alone. 

Even as Spider kept biting, one of his hands seemed to have developed a mind of its own. It crawled across the wall, index finger over ring finger until it found Deadpool’s and pinned his wrist. From there, it started weaving out threads from Spider’s wrist and forming another restraint. It was like Spider had a mini-spider pet of his own, wrapping Wade up on its own time. Or maybe it was all in his head. Either way, his wrist was stuck and he was stuck for the second time that week. Deadpool had to laugh again at the thought of someone walking by and getting ideas about them. Now that was a fun thought.

With how Spider kept biting Wade’s neck plus the bondage, someone could really get some great ideas. Every now and then his jaw would release and he’d pick a different spot, but it wasn’t making a lick of difference. It was kind of cute, actually. The little spider really thought he was paralyzing Wade. Aw.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you the definition of insanity?” Deadpool asked, reaching out to tap Spider’s shoulder with his free hand.

Spider didn’t even bother to secure his other hand then, he just kept munching away to no end.

“Really don’t think you’re poisonous, Spidey, but keep wasting time, that’s fine.”

Wade was really wishing he’d brought a magazine or something when the bites began to slow down. Each one was more deliberate and less cruel. He was feeling less teeth and more- tongue? Yeah, that was Peter’s tongue, shoving itself up against Wade’s skin. That was a good sign. Or maybe it was bad. No, definitely good. If Peter was licking him more than he was trying to tear his flesh out and inject him with venom, that was a win as far as Wade was concerned. 

One more bite and Peter pulled away slowly, leaning back to look up at Deadpool. His lips and neck were pulled tight. He knew exactly what was going on, but he really didn’t want to know, if Wade’s diagnosis was right. 

“There he is,” Wade cooed as Peter stared at him.

“Oh, shit,” Peter breathed, turning his head slowly as he took in everything he’d done.

“First off, no one’s dead,” Wade told him, reaching out his free arm. “I think. I mean, I’m not dead, and that guy doesn’t look dead.”

“He could be in a coma!” Peter cried.

“Well, he was kind of a jerk.”

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no,” Peter said, hands coming up to grasp at his scalp.

Helping, right, Wade was supposed to be helping.

“Flipping your shit isn’t gonna help, Spidey,” Wade warned. “But you know what might help? Getting me out of this thing so you can get home.”

“I could have killed people in there!” Peter continued, turning about in a circle.

“You could have,” Deadpool agreed, half-shrugging. “I don’t think you did.”

“You don’t _think_? You don’t know?!”

“You got out here on your own and you told me to stay put so I haven’t exactly had the time to check, but I really don’t think you killed anyone. Sorry but you just don’t have the guts for it.”

“Guts?!” Peter echoed, blissfully unaware of how silly he sounded. “I don’t need guts if I can’t control myself! Oh my God, what if- what if-”

“Peter!” Wade shouted over him. “Chill!”

“I can’t chill!” Peter wailed. “I’m dangerous!”

“Peter, you’re bleeding, you’re freaked out, and I have to take a guy to a hospital for you,” Wade explained, gesturing at the thug still passed out in what was left of the web. “Get me out of this, go the fuck home, and take care of yourself.”

Peter stared at him with that same tight frown, like he was trying to find some other way out. There weren’t any other ways out, Wade knew that, but he wasn’t going to interrupt Peter’s internal conflict. Not because he thought it was kinda cute watching it play out. Okay, maybe a little. After a long moment, Peter gave a quiet nod.

“Okay, okay,” he said, more to himself than Wade.

With no other real options, Peter grabbed at the web holding Wade’s legs in place and started tearing at it. It was only a moment before Wade could touch the ground again. Spider bondage was fun, sure, but not when Peter was upset. Wade’s own strength was enough to break his wrist free from there.

“I’ll deal with the goon, you head home,” he said, flicking silk away from his wrist. Wow, that was about as direct an order as he’d ever given. Not something he’d like to repeat.

“But- but- what if-”

“Peter, you say “if” or “but” one more time and I’ll pick your butt up and carry you home,” he threatened, jabbing Peter’s chest. “I’ll enjoy that, but you’re not gonna. And I _will_ pick you up by the ass.”

Peter’s mouth gaped open once again, but he didn’t say anything. He nodded again before pulling his mask back down. With a leap into the air, Peter was swinging away from the scene. Good boy.

Deadpool glanced around at the mess of web and open door into the gallery that he was left with. It was only then that he totally realized what he’d agreed to. 

“Do I really have to clean up this mess?” he asked himself, picking up his discarded katana and sauntering over to the passed out mook still encased in web. “I could always just go get some burritos and tell Spidey everything’s fine.”

He held where he was for a good ten seconds before letting out a sigh.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said to no one in particular. “He’d notice burrito breath.”

With that in mind, Wade held both the sword’s hilt and its blade, and began surgically slicing through the web keeping the thug in place. “Slicing.” It was more like wrapping wet cotton candy around a cardboard stick. Kinda made sense; Wade’s life was pretty much just one big circus after all. Maybe he could have at least had Peter help him with the web before sending him off. This was going to take a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Action scenes are always the hardest to write. They're either too fast or too slow or the detail is too much or not enough and it's a pain.


	3. Chapter 3

Wade climbed in through Peter’s window an hour or so later. He hadn’t meant to take so long, but he’d needed time to make sure that no one was dead. It was hard work getting comatose low-lifes up and running for their lives with the help of a cattle prod. Maybe he wouldn’t mention that to Peter.

Peter hadn’t spun any webs in the meantime as far as he could see, but he was hanging from the ceiling of his room, sulking like an angsty spider-teen. He’d taken his costume off and all he was wearing was pajama pants. Wade might have questioned the small contrivance, but the more he thought about the physics of wearing a shirt upside down, the more it made sense. But then again, when had Spider-man ever cared about physics?

“You in there, Pete?”

“Yeah,” Peter said, not moving an inch.

“Everyone you beat up is fine, Pete,” Wade promised, taking a few steps toward him. “I made sure they all got up and walked away like a good Deadpool.”

“Great.”

 _Drip_. A little red dot fell off of Peter and into a small, red puddle that had formed under him.

“Are you _still_ bleeding?” Wade asked, gaping under his mask.

“A little,” Peter admitted like it was nothing. “It’s mostly dry.”

“For fuck’s- get down here!”

“I’m fine where I am.”

“Peter, down,” Wade ordered, putting on his best commanding officer voice. “Unless you want me rolling around naked on your bed.”

Peter’s head lolled downward and he turned to give Wade a sideways glance.

“I’ll do it,” Wade said, reaching down towards his belt.

“Fine.”

After another moment of hesitation, Peter flipped down onto the floor, landing on his feet. Wow was he nimble. Wade had seen him flipping and leaping and bending in all sorts of crazy ways with no effort dozens of times, but he was never gonna get over it. What he wouldn’t give to get his hands on Peter and see if he could literally bend over backwards. Not like Wade would get any personal enjoyment out of that.

Wade had to shove Peter out into his tiny kitchen-living room hybrid and into the chair at his even tinier dining table. He didn’t carry any bandages or ointment with him so he had to rifle through Peter’s medicine cabinet until he found some bandages and disinfectant. He grabbed a rag and wet it in the sink, taking that along as well. It was as minimal as everything else in the apartment, but you take you what you can get. Wade needed to get the poor - very literally poor - kid some better supplies. Whether Peter liked it or not.

He headed back into the kitchen and, shock of all shocks, Peter hadn’t moved at all. At least that made things easier.

Wade set the bandages and ointment aside on the table before turning Peter so he faced sideways. Peter didn't react at all, just let himself be moved. Once Wade was satisfied with the angle, he squatted down to start cleaning away dried blood from the stab wound. It had healed okay on its own, if only because it wasn’t too deep. Any farther in and Wade would have been dragging Peter to the same hospital he stuck the thugs in. Organ damage was not fun, especially when your cells didn’t replace themselves like lightning.

“What would you do without me?” Wade wondered aloud, glancing up at Peter. 

Peter didn’t say anything, didn’t smile, didn’t roll his eyes, didn’t even look at Wade. It was kinda spooky, like he hadn’t said anything at all. That was unacceptable.

“I guess you’d still be hanging on the ceiling, bleeding out like a cow,” he suggested, dripping some ointment onto a clean spot on the rag. “You’re not very good at the whole self-healing thing.”

Same thing. Not a peep from Peter. Wade wasn’t really annoyed, but Peter looked so sad. It made Wade sad and he hung around Peter to be happy. It was just not right.

“I mean. You don’t want an infection.” He rubbed the disinfectant gingerly over the wound. “Do you?”

Peter finally gave him a reaction, only a small wince at the sting, but it was something. Not nearly enough to make up for ignoring Wade like he had been, but something. For once in his life, Wade wasn’t really sure what to do or say. It wasn’t like Peter to be this quiet and Wade would have thought he was sick if he wasn’t so obviously not. The only thing he could do, really, was wrap up the stab wound in silence. It felt weird, like slugs crawling down his spine. Ew.

“Why do you care if I know they’re alive?” Peter finally asked, sedate as could be.

“Well, duh,” Wade started, rolling his eyes. “Because you care.”

“You don’t.”

“Nope, I really don’t, but when you’re in Rome, you say Romanus eunt domus and wipe your ass with a sea sponge.” 

Peter blinked twice and focused on Wade. About damn time.

“O- kay?” he croaked out, like his brain wasn’t really processing what he’d just heard.

“I’m in your world, Petey, so I’ll play by your rules,” he explained, tying off Peter’s bandage with a neat little bow. “Mostly.”

“But- why?” Peter repeated.

“Aren’t you some kind of prodigy?” Wade asked, poking Peter’s forehead. “Or is this one of those scatterbrained genius things?”

“I just don’t get you,” Peter said, shoving his hand away. “Except I think I kinda do. And that’s- I don’t know what to do with that.”

“What do you want to do with it?”

“I want-” The word hung in the air for a long second before Peter shook his head. “I don’t know what I want. You’re a wildcard.” Peter leaned down to rest his head on the table. “And now I’m a wildcard.”

“You were always a wildcard to me, Petey,” Wade said, reaching down to ruffle Peter’s hair. “I like wildcards.”

Peter grumbled and batted Wade’s hand away once again.

“I feel different,” he declared, like it wasn’t obvious. “One minute everything was fine and now nothing is. I don’t get it, this wasn’t happening a couple months ago.”

“You’re not growing hair in weird places, are you?”

“Haha,” Peter said, rolling his eyes. _There_ was his Peter. “I got bit by a spider, Wade, not a tarantula.”

“Oh, but that would be so cool!” Wade chirped. “You could throw your hair at people and make them itchy, think of the possibilities.”

“Yeah, all two of them,” Peter said with a half-smile.

“For a guy with spider powers, you don’t have much vision.”

A harsh laugh-snort escaped from Peter, but his smile didn’t last.

“I’m just-” Peter started before clamming up and looking away.

“Just what?” Wade prodded, cocking his head.

“No, it's nothing, I can deal with it.”

“Well, yeah, you can deal with just about anything without me. Little guys, big guys, gunfire, emotional trauma.” Wade counted off the list on his fingers. “Doesn’t mean I don’t like to help.”

Peter stared at him for a long moment, but turned away once a frown started to form on his face.

“I guess I’m- I’m-” He trailed off into mumbling something Wade couldn’t understand.

“You’re what?” Wade pushed. “You’re a Goofy Goober?”

“I’m _scared_ ,” Peter hissed painfully, eyes squeezing shut. “I’m really scared.”

Something in Wade’s chest twitched. He might not have understood what Peter was so scared of, but if he was afraid, then Wade needed to fix that. Why he needed to fix it, he wasn’t totally sure, but he definitely needed to.

“What for?” Wade asked, softening his tone.

“You saw me! You saw what I did!” Peter cried lifting his head up and showing off sad-eyes that Wade had never seen on him before. “I can’t go out anymore. I don’t know what I’ll do. What if I do kill someone? What if I hurt a civilian? I can’t let that happen, I can’t risk that.”

Sometimes Wade forgot that not everyone’s moral compass was as blue and orange as his own. This called for drastic measures.

“Hold that thought,” Wade said, standing up and heading back to the window out.

“Where the hell are you going?” Peter demanded.

“I’ve got a scent,” Wade told him, maneuvering out the window feet first. “Five minutes, you can time me if you want.”

As he slipped out into the night, the little voices in Wade’s head started betting on whether or not Peter would move in the meantime. It was kinda funny how easy it was to ignore them around Peter. Not good or bad, really, just funny.

*****

Exactly four minutes, forty seconds, and a minor scuffle over a greasy cardboard box later, Wade was trotting back into Peter’s kitchen with a pizza.

Peter gaped at him, just as confused as he’d been when Wade left him. Someone owed someone money.

“Where did you get that?” Peter asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Peter, there are more important things at stake here than where I got a pizza. Like the fact that you really need pizza right now.”

“What makes you-”

“I know you order pizza when you’re feeling like shit,” Wade broke in as he laid the box out on the table and opened it up. Two slices were missing, but it was pepperoni and sausage. Score. “Don’t tell me you don’t, you do.”

Peter wrinkled his nose like a sour cat. Fuck, why did he have to be so cute? It was making things more difficult than they needed to be. The expression only lasted a few seconds, thank fuckin’ God, and Peter let out sigh of defeat.

“Yeah, I guess I do,” he conceded, pulling a slice out, folding it, and biting off its tip. Eating, good sign.

“Like I was saying,” Wade started, sauntering over to sit across from Peter. “You’re not gonna kill anyone. You don’t have it in you, even at your spideriest.”

Peter hesitated to respond as he chewed slowly. The gloom in his eyes hadn’t left, but he looked a little less depressed with something in his mouth. No, bad Wade, no innuendos, focus.

“But how can you know?” he asked after a moment.

“You can’t know,” Wade admitted as he pulled his mask up to under his nose. “But I’ve got this little twitch in my gut that tells me you couldn’t kill if you tried. Or that could be the Chinese I had the other night.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?

“It’s a segue, Pete, pay attention.” Wade plucked a bit of sausage off of the pizza and popped it into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. He drew out the pause between them, hoping to give Peter the impression that, yeah, he totally knew what was talking about. “You can’t always know. That’s life, lots of not knowing things. But I know that you’re not a killer. And another thing I know is you always feel better when someone’s got your back, so that’s what counts.”

Peter’s face got all tight like he wanted to fight Wade about what he’d said. His eyes kept Within a few heartbeats, though, it gave way to a reluctant smile.

“I guess you’re right about that at least.”

“You say that like I’m not right all the time.”

Peter opened his mouth like he was going to bring up a time when Wade had been wrong, but after a few seconds, he shut it in defeat. Aw, he was learning fast today.

“You’ve got my back then,” Peter said instead.

“Yep,” Wade said with a shrug. “Always have.”

“Yeah.” Peter glanced away as a tinge of regret crossed his face. “Yeah, I guess you have.”

“No guessing about it.”

“So- who’s got your back?” Peter asked, uncertainty in his voice.

“Let’s just say I’ve got friends in high places,” Wade said, leaning back to look at the ceiling lamp. “Well, “high.” You know what I mean.”

“No,” Peter said, finishing off the last of his pizza crust. “I really don’t.”

“That’s okay, neither do I most of the time.”

“That’s- comforting,” Peter drawled out. “I think.”

The way he said it drew a laugh out of Wade. There really was just something about Peter. Sweet, little awkward Peter.

“So, you still think you can’t go outside?” he asked.

“Well. I know I need to. The city needs Spider-man.” He sucked in a breath and tilted his head back and forth. “But maybe I’ll just take a little break, you know? Stay in. See how I’m doing in a week. Or just- soon-ish. Something like that.”

“A week, gotcha,” Wade said with an enthusiastic nod. “If you’re gonna be holed up, you mind if I go do a job? Kinda getting low on cash.”

“Already?” Peter asked, blinking rapidly at him. “What are you doing with your money, eating it?” 

“Ew, no, you know how many hands have touched that stuff?” Wade shuddered at the thought. “No, just restocking on C4 and guns and paying bills and shit. Important stuff.”

Peter stared at him with the bewilderment only a poor kid could convey. Wade needed to get him something nice. Some nice clothes or a diamond or a new microwave or something.

“Yeah,” Peter said, reaching to break off another slice of pizza. “Yeah, you go do what you gotta do.”

“Believe me, I’d rather be having fun with you.”

“I do believe you,” Peter said, as though that was some kind of epiphany. When would he learn?

Just as Wade had that thought, Peter stood up slowly from his chair. Wade didn’t comment initially, but watched as Peter maneuvered around the table over to him. He followed Peter with his eyes and tilted his head as he got close. Peter just gazed at him for a long while, not quite smiling, but not frowning either.

Before Wade could open his mouth to speak, Peter came forward and put his arms around Wade’s shoulders, holding him tight. Not spider strength tight, but sweet Pete tight. Wade wasn’t surprised by a lot of things, but- wow, that came out of nowhere. Or had it? He hadn’t been expecting it or asking for it. He wasn’t about to squander it, though; Wade was a lot of things, but he wasn’t stupid.

On that thought, Wade brought one arm around Peter’s back, shifting to work with the weird angle. He didn’t shove Peter at all - probably couldn’t if he tried, come to think of it - but he hopefully made things a little more comfortable for both of them.

They stayed like that for a long minute, Peter just barely resting his head on Wade’s shoulder and Wade getting a good look at one side of Peter’s face. Peter was smiling, he could say that much, and he was a little flushed. Poor embarrassed sweetheart. He didn’t need to be, not with Wade. Wade could get used to hugs from his little spider. He usually felt kinda cold on the inside, but right then, he felt all gooey and nice. Another one of those things he couldn’t get anywhere but there. Peter was gonna kill him like that and no healing factor could stop it.

Their hug lasted for what felt like an hour, Peter pressed up against him. Wade wouldn’t have complained if it really was an hour; this was definitely worth the time. When Peter finally did pull away, he only went far enough so that he could look Wade in the face and he held like that for another couple seconds.

“Thanks for the pizza,” he finally said.

With that, he let go of Wade and sat back down to continue eating.

Wade never stopped smiling and he never took his eyes off of Peter; he didn’t think he could if he tried. Everything inside him had melted, like cheese in a really good quesadilla. He was okay with that. Melty was not a problem and especially not if Peter was doing the melting. Yeah, he could definitely get used to that, even if mercenary work and attachments mixed like bleach and ammonia. Maybe he’d have to stick around for a little longer than he’d meant to. Just a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While we're on the topic of pizza, I feel the need to vent my disappointment at Peter's shirt in Civil War. I appreciate that it is a pizza shirt, but I think they missed an opportunity to make the design a pizza clock. I don't want my ships to be canon, I don't want a happy life, I just want to die knowing that pizza time is accepted as a thing. Holding out for a pizza scene in the new movie a la Spider-man 2. If Tom Holland can pull off the intense pizza delivery that Tobey pulled off, then he is worthy.
> 
> Come to think of it, I really want to re-watch the Spider-man trilogy. I know people tend to hiss and spit at it these days, but I love Tobey-Peter. He's precious and too pure for this world and he's not Tom Holland, but he gave the world pizza time and that is a wonderful thing. And I might not want to write for Tobey-Peter, but God help me if I don't want to get JK Simmons' J. Jonah into a fic at some point. I don't care if the movies are great or garbage, he is the one true JJJ and no one can ever replace him. I should probably stop this tangent now, I sound insane.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to [Kat](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialDeception/pseuds/SocialDeception) for all the help and for putting up with me in the process of writing this. I worry way too much about these things.

Italy was lovely that Fall, not too hot, not too cold, and plenty of sunshine. Wade had had lovely weather for blowing up a crazy guy’s volcano base. Idiot was trying to bring the thing out of dormancy and that was bad for the business of several shadowy figures. Besides, if you had to build a complex in a volcano, there was no way you were anything but a jackass. A cliche jackass. Seriously, building a complex in a volcano? How much more predictable could you get? Deadpool didn’t sweat the details beyond that; a gig was a gig after all. Easy enough job, and it left him plenty of time to enjoy himself before and after it was done. Wade wanted to get back to Peter, yeah, but he had promised himself to get him something nice. And he had. Kind of. Actually it was kind of a lame gift. Just a bunch of yellow tulips that had wilted a little already with some smaller blue buds around them. Wade hadn’t really thought about how fast flowers died out of the ground, so maybe it was lucky that he got them so late.

Unfortunately, the far more interesting Italy story would not be covered in detail in this fanfic. Right then, Wade was climbing up Peter’s fire escape like it had been ages, flowers under his arm. He’d missed the rickety steps and the crumbling bricks and web remnants that Peter never managed to clean up all the way. He even missed the distant screaming and the neighbor who always watched TV with the window open. All those little things that you never noticed until you left for a while. Yeah, it was good to be back. Maybe he’d have to use the door some day; that’d throw Peter through a loop. For now, though he was perfectly happy with his usual route.

Peter’s window was already open, giving Wade ample space to squeeze through and keep Peter’s tulips out of harm’s way. Once inside, Wade glanced around, but found no sign of Peter. No webs either so that was good at least. He must have been in another room, maybe making a sandwich or something. Ah, who was Wade kidding? The story was aching for more action. Peter was right behind him, exactly where he hadn’t looked.

Just like that, Wade was struck hard in the back and he stumbled forward. The maneuver was followed up with his legs being swept out from under him. He shoved his bouquet above his head just in time to keep it from being crushed. Wade wasn’t a slouch, but goddamn was Peter stupidly strong.

He hit the ground with a thud and his wrists were immediately pinned by a sticky glob of webbing.

“Not the flowers,” he whined, making a last ditch effort to roll them away from. They only made it a few inches. Fuck.

One of Peter’s hands came into view, splayed out to the right of Wade’s face. The other weighed heavy on Wade’s shoulder and Wade needed to ask if Peter would take a job as his masseuse sometime. An actual masseuse, not the Chinese massage parlor kind. Or maybe- Nah. Neither of them would appreciate Spider-hooker much.

“So what I’m getting here is you missed me,” Wade said, tilting his head back to get a glimpse at dear old spider. He could just barely see Peter’s face and found it just as blank as it had been the first time. His eyes were flicking all over the place, from Wade’s back to his face to the door into the kitchen, but his brow was creepily still. Wade needed to take a picture sometime.

Peter’s face slid out of view and Wade felt breath on his neck. Oh, boy, here they went again. The back of his mask was nudged upward and familiar teeth sank into his neck. Wade was used to it by then and the pain never bothered him. What was a little weird, though, was that Spider was staying put and- using his bottom jaw like a knife? Yeah, he was definitely trying to saw in with his lower teeth while the top made incisions. And it was actually working. Within a few seconds, Wade felt a light trickle of warm blood down his neck. It wouldn’t last long, no way, but Spider was determined, he had that going for him.

With the open wound established, Peter’s lips closed around it and he started sucking. Hard. Kid was like a fucking vacuum, trying to get at his blood. If Wade didn’t know better, he’d say Spider was trying to give him the world’s most conspicuous hickey. Marking him. Mm, Wade could get into that.

“I wouldn’t do that, Pete, you’re gonna spoil me,” Wade warned.

Spider either didn’t hear him or didn’t understand or didn’t care. He just kept sucking and Wade let him do his thing. Wade didn’t have to worry about blood loss anyway so why not let it play out? It was kinda strange that Spider hadn’t restrained his legs. And it only got stranger when Peter’s hands came up around his shoulders and started to knead. O-oh, yeah, there was that massage.

“Little lower,” he groaned, rolling his shoulders. “Just a little- the-ere you go.”

With the encouragement, Peter had managed to find a patch of tight muscles on his back and was giving it just the right kind of pressure. Goddamn, Wade was going to be a drooling vegetable by the time they were done, it was so good.

He was so distracted by Peter working him that it took him a few minutes to realize that someone was rubbing against his thigh as well. Not even just rubbing, grinding and humping like a stripper on a pole, with a very clear bulge at the center. Now, that wasn’t very spidery. Unless Wade hadn’t been told that spiders humped their prey, which was definitely something he should have been told about. He would’ve wanted video.

So Peter was dry humping his ass. That was fine. More than fine, actually. If Peter had to be spidery to give him some attention, then Wade would take what he could get. And he had kind of agreed to take the brunt of any and all fallout Spider-Pete might create. If that included being a spider mate surrogate, he wasn’t complaining.

It was more funny than anything, the rustle of fabric as Peter snapped his hips back and forth. Peter himself was pretty quiet. He was breathing heavily and sucking at the wound he’d made, and that was it. But Wade really didn’t have any business laughing. If their positions were swapped, yeah, Wade would have humped Peter to kingdom come and back again. Could you have blamed him? Peter’s ass was by far the best among Spider-themed superheroes. Sorry, Widow, you get second place and a nice consolation prize.

At least, Peter was quiet until he wasn’t anymore. A few moments after he started grinding, Wade picked up some low whines from Peter. Not from Peter’s spidery side, definitely from Peter-Peter.

His lips broke off from Wade’s neck, but his teeth stayed buried in and started doing the slicing thing again. No more kneading either. Damn. Then Peter’s whines turned into muffled moans and Peter pulled at Wade’s flesh like he wanted to release, but something wasn’t letting him.

“Oh, fuck, don’t do this to me, Pete,” Wade rasped.

But it was already done, wasn’t it? Peter moaning in his ear like rutting up against a fully costumed Deadpool was the best thing he’d ever felt. Wade had been around the block, he wasn’t even gonna try to deny that, but something about Peter just got to him. He was like a little lovebug biting at his neck. Figuratively and literally. He hadn’t thought about the why of it; he tried not to think too hard about most things, but this was getting really hard to ignore. Heh. Hard. He’d popped a boner and it was trapped under him. That was not as funny as he’d have thought.

Wade squirmed to get some friction or at least some more room, working with and against what little give his wrists had. Stupid sticky web forced him to maneuver with just his knees and torso. The second Spider picked up on his movement, though, those teeth clamped down like a motherfucker and Peter’s moans cut off in a sharp hiss. Okay, no moving allowed, message received. He could work with that. Hopefully.

Spider’s hissing continued for a good minute, Peter’s head nodding back and forth as he tugged at Wade’s skin. Peter was still humping, but not with the same enthusiasm. Wade did his best to go limp, but his cock was not happy with him. Fuck’s sake, he wasn’t even fully erect. Man bits really fucking sucked sometimes.

It took way too long, but Peter did pick up the pace again. Whether it was because of anything Wade did or his own libido, who the hell knew? Wade didn’t care as long as Peter sounded more like himself and less like a moody snake.

Even with Peter rutting like an animal, he wasn’t making the final jump. Instead he was digging his teeth in and panting against Wade’s skin and letting out the occasional moan. Sounded like he was stuck. Wade didn’t want to risk Peter slowing down again or more biting, but his cock wasn’t having any of that, trapped and pulsing under the weights of their bodies. Maybe if he just- yeah, just a little.

Wade pushed up against Peter as he made an especially vicious thrust, and Peter let out a not-really-Peter-y, but also not very spidery growl. Wade took it as a good sign, and started pushing back for every snap of Peter’s hips. If they kept that up, then maybe Wade would end up coming in his pants too. The friction was just enough, each roll of his hips grinding his cock against the rug.

Then all at once, Peter keened against him and cried out. It sounded kinda like he was dying or like he’d never jacked off properly before. Wade wouldn’t have put that past Pete, actually. One of Peter’s hands reached forward, grabbing at the floor for any purchase it could find. Wade would have cooed over how cute it was, but all at once his upper arm was in a death grip. Pain didn’t usually faze him, but _Jesus Christ on a pogo stick_ , that _hurt_.

“Fuck, Peter!” Wade yelped, wrists straining against the web. “I know my arms regenerate, but could you not take one off?”

Oh, right, Peter wasn’t listening, nor paying attention to any of his squirming. His teeth had finally released Wade’s neck, but that only gave Wade’s ears a front row seat to Peter’s chorus of whines and caterwauls. Behind that, Wade could hear Peter scrabbling at the floor as he ground desperately at his thigh. He was either coming or about to come and hell if Peter didn’t make the best noises. The best noises that Wade was sorta-kinda giving him. Oh, now that was nice. Fu-uck, stop it, penis, you’re just causing even more pain.

With one last falsetto “ah, ah, _a-ah_ ” Peter flopped down on top of him, breathing heavily. Yup, he came. Only took, like, ten minutes. What kind of a teen was Peter?

Wade didn’t say anything as Peter caught his breath. Not because he didn’t have anything to say, oh, no, but because he wanted to let Peter see for himself. Besides, it was nice hearing Peter’s steady in-out, in-out rhythm. The serene, not sexy kind of in-out rhythm. Well, it was kind of sexy for Wade since he was still dealing with a stubborn hard-on. He didn’t want to disturb the poor kid, though, not while he was still enjoying the afterglow. That would just be mean.

Another long minute passed by before Peter moved again. Wade felt him lift his head and could practically hear him blink, hear the abject horror sliding over his face. Oh, Peter, you naive little thing.

“Wha- wha-” he heard Peter stammer breathily.

“Hi, Pete,” Wade said, shifting his arms stiffly. “Feeling better?”

“I- I don’t-” Peter choked out before going quiet. In a second, his weight was off of Wade and he heard Peter scurry across the room.

“Where are you going?” Wade called after him. “We were just starting to have fun!”

Wade brought one knee up for leverage and squirmed his arms in every direction against the webbing. It took a moment of pushing and shoving, but with one good tug, the web broke and Wade slid backwards onto his ass. All as planned.

He scanned the room until he found Peter in the corner near his desk, hands and feet both stuck to the ceiling. Peter was doing his best to hide his face too, tucking his chin in over his chest. Poor baby was upset. Time for Wade to do some more fixing.

Wade picked up his forgotten tulips and padded over to where Peter was hanging.

“Peter?”

“Go away,” Peter whimpered, like he might cry at any moment. That thought alone shoved needles right into Wade’s heart. No one as sweet as Peter deserved to cry. There went his boner.

“Peter, you’re a smart cookie and, by all accounts, I’m pretty dumb, but that is the absolute worst solution here.”

Peter grumbled in his throat, but didn’t bother to say anything. If you’re not gonna work, spider-kid, your buddy Deadpool’s gonna have to drag you, for your own good.

“I didn’t realize spiders humped what they ate,” Wade said, putting on an air of ignorance on the topic.

“They don’t,” Peter muttered, somewhere between exhausted and exasperated.

“So what’s that make you then?” Wade asked.

“It makes me a- I’m an abomination.” More needles in the heart, ow. “Spiders, primates, they’re not even in the same phylum. Mix them and- I don’t know if I should even be alive.”

“I can relate,” Wade said, nodding. “People call me an abomination all the time. They’re right, but that doesn’t make it a bad thing. Besides, I like spider monkeys.”

Peter just barely tipped his head to look at Wade. He was still flushed and the look on his face wasn’t hostile at least. If anything, he looked painfully ashamed of himself. Would definitely follow with Peter being an honorary angel. It was something to work with.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed just because you rubbed off on me and came in your pants, you know,” Wade told him. “I’ve dealt with weirder, grosser, exoticer things so it’s no skin off my ass.”

“I’m not embarrassed,” Peter said flatly, avoiding Wade’s eyes.

“Then what are you hiding from?”

“I’m not-” Peter cut off with sigh and let his head fall back. “Okay. Maybe I am. A little.”

“You’re not good at lying, Pete,” Wade sing-songed. “How do you keep a secret identity like that?”

Peter shrugged and fell into quiet again. Well, when all else failed, there was always begging.

“Come down, please?” Wade pleaded. “It’s hard to hug you up there. And I brought you something.”

“You did?” Peter asked, voice small and uncertain.

“Well, it’s a little wilted now and you kinda made me drop it on the floor.” Wade spun the bouquet slowly in his hands, surveying the exact damage. Definitely a few petals missing and even more wrinkles than before, although the blue flowers looked okay. “But, uh, I think it’s still fine.”

Peter let his head drop down so he could look at Wade properly. He glanced from the Deadpool mask to the flowers and back again several times, like the two things weren’t gelling in his cute little head.

“You got me flowers?” 

“I know, I know, I’m about as creative with gifts as Batman is with colors,” Wade admitted, offering the bouquet to Peter and tilting his head to the side. “It’s not as lame as the keychain at least.”

“It’s not lame,” Peter said, gingerly taking the tulips and staring at them in wonder. “No one’s ever- I mean, I never expected anyone to get me flowers, but- It’s nice. Thank you.”

“Sure thing,” Wade said with a shrug. “Just plants, no big deal.”

“Right. No big deal,” Peter repeated, an airy tone in his voice. He glanced around the room. “God, how long was I out?”

“I dunno, you tackled me when I came in and woke up when you got off. How hungry are you?”

“What does that-” Peter stopped mid-sentence as his face gave away his realization. “Oh. Well- not too much, I guess. So, couldn’t have been too long.”

“You’re so smart, Petey.” Wade leaned down to feel at Peter’s hip and side. “Doesn’t seem like you lost any weight.”

Peter shoved his hand away, but he didn’t retreat or even complain.

“I haven’t. God knows I don’t need to,” he said, a little too somber yet also a little too controlled.

“Well, the only place you could lose it is on your ass,” Wade said, resisting to urge to reach and grab that too. “And, believe me, we’d all cry if you lost that.”

Peter didn’t even smile. Barely acknowledged that he even spoke. Oh, God, not again.

“I’ve been having on and off-” Peter clutched his flowers and gritted his teeth as he looked for a word. “-episodes since you left. I think the worst one lasted half a day.”

“Damn, guess I really was helping.”

“I guess.”

“What, you don’t think I was?”

“I don’t know,” Peter said, voice finally breaking with emotion. “I hate not understanding. I still don’t know what makes me the way I am and feeling like I can’t control it.”

“You’ve been controlling it,” Wade said, giving his shoulder a pat. “If the worst you’ve done is tie me down and hump me, that’s pretty damn good.”

“I hate it,” Peter hissed, drawing up into himself and looking away. “I hate being like this.”

Wade was reminded then of just how young Peter was. Not even old enough to drink. Legally. And he probably hadn’t either. That innocent sweetness, it warmed something deep within Wade’s blackened, shriveled heart and made Peter’s state even more depressing. He looked so small and fragile and sad. Like he wanted anything but to be right there, right then as he was, and Wade knew how that felt. He’d never say it out loud, but he knew. It sucked not being able to die. It sucked having cancer. It sucked to hurt and it must have especially sucked for someone like Peter. He couldn’t let that be.

Without a thought, Wade reached out and put a gloved palm over Peter’s cheek. Weird move, but okay. Peter turned his head into Wade’s hand with an uncertain glance. Wade took that as a cue to continue and cupped Peter’s cheeks fully. With everything in place, he brought his thumbs up to the corners of Peter’s mouth to gently pinched them upward. He needed some really good words here, come on brain.

“You are what you are, Peter,” Wade told him, earnest as he could manage. “I like you that way. Don’t let anyone tell you to change or apologize for that.”

Peter looked at him like he was absolutely insane. He would be right about that much and Wade still wasn’t sure if the words had been right. Surprisingly, though, Peter’s expression began to relax and soften. He wasn’t really smiling still, but he didn’t look too distressed anymore. Success?

“Do you really?” Peter asked around his hands.

“What? Like you? Of course I like you, you’re you.”

“We barely know each other,” Peter said, frown returning.

“Whaddya mean?” Wade asked, chuckling and dropping his hands back down. “I’ve been coming by for months, that not mean anything?”

“That’s not what I mean,” Peter said, shaking head head. “I just haven’t even...”

“Haven’t even had Mexican with me?” Wade offered slowly.

Peter didn’t respond to that immediately. Probably not the answer he was looking for then. At least Wade tried.

“Can I-” Peter hesitated and breathed in deep through his nose. “Can I see your face, Wade?”

The question was like a slap. To the balls. By the Hulk. Got right up in the chest and wasn’t so much painful as it was painfully weird and everything else was suddenly out the window.

“My face?” Wade echoed, forcing a laugh. “What I’m not pretty enough covered up?”

Smooth as a hedgehog rubbing between two balloons, Wilson. Good job. Peter was giving him a cockeyed look.

“I trust you enough to let you come into my home, use my things, eat my food, be here when I’m sleeping for God’s sake.” He mustered a smile. “Trust me with this?”

Peter reached up to grip at the neckline of Deadpool’s mask, gently pulling it up. Wade flinched and his hand shot up to pull it back down. He hadn’t even thought about doing that, what the fuck?

“Wade,” Peter said and hell if he didn’t make that name sound pretty. “You are what you are. It’s okay.”

Well, shit, Peter was learning to throw his words back in his face. No digging his way out of this one. Wade was done in, dead, no going back now.

Wade let his hand fall to his side, giving Peter room to peel his mask away. He didn’t want to look, but he wasn’t gonna be a pussy about this. It was just his face. Peter wanted to see him and he was so good and pure that he wouldn’t mind Wade’s little problem. He wouldn’t. Yeah. Of course he wouldn’t. Wade was just being stupid, big shocker there.

In seconds that were both too short and too long, Wade’s mask was off, clutched in Peter’s hands. Wade blinked a few times in the unfiltered light and took in a long breath of fresh air. It was fucking weird, being exposed like he was, but he wasn’t gonna back out. He’d committed and he wasn’t gonna be some limp-wristed backpedaler.

“Hi there,” Wade said with a cautious smile as he fought to look Peter in the eyes.

Peter didn’t speak right away; he was too busy drinking in the sight in front of him. His face wasn’t contorting or doing anything severe, really, he was just looking at Wade with wide eyes. Wade could feel his gaze on his skin like mites. Could feel it on the reddened, mutilated flesh and grafts. Could feel it creeping up over his unremarkable features. He could taste his own vulnerability to a point that he would never admit, but he trusted Peter with this.

“Wow,” Peter breathed at last, just barely half-smiling.

“I know, I know, it’s fuckin’ horrifying, but you learn to-”

Before he could finish, Peter leaned forward and pecked a kiss right on Wade’s lips. He felt himself blink, but his brain wasn’t processing what had just happened.

“The hell was that?” Wade asked, out of pure shock. He was all for planning out unlikely scenarios, but- what?

For a moment, Peter looked just as bewildered as he felt blinking rapidly as he stared at Wade. Slowly, though, his expression turned to a cocky little grin.

“First of many,” he rasped.

Without another word, Peter wrapped his arms around Wade, flowers and all and started planting kisses all over his face. At that point, all of Wade’s brain functions were out to lunch and not coming back before the weekend was over. His thoughts were an incoherent jumble of contradicting questions and confusion and feelings. So not much change from the usual. Just more Peter in there throwing a spider monkey wrench in everything.

“Whoa, whoa, hold on, Peter,” Wade said, putting a hand on the side of Peter’s middle. “I think we skipped a few pages.”

“I’ve held on,” Peter said between kisses.

“Since when?” Wade asked. Had he not gotten a memo somewhere? This was news to him.

“I don’t know,” Peter said, giving Wade a reprieve to look him in the eye. “Since- I guess since I realized that you give a crap about me.”

“What, you thought I just hung around for shits and giggles?”

“Isn’t that your MO?” Peter asked, narrowing his eyes.

Wade opened his mouth, but hesitated to speak.

“Touche,” he conceded. “But you do things to me, Pete.”

“I do things to you?”

“Yeah,” Wade said with a shrug. “Still working out what the things are, but there’s a lot of things.”

“So what’s your problem?”

“Kinda figured you weren’t into me. Especially not now.”

“Well, I am into you. Especially now,” Peter told him, more confident than Wade had ever heard him. “Maybe I’m nuts, but- God, look at you. You’re handsome, there’s no way around it.”

Wade burst out laughing then. He couldn’t help it, really, it was just such a ridiculous thing to say.

“I love the flattery, Peter, I really do, but come on,” Wade said, voice shaking with a chuckle. “I’m an ugly son of a bitch, let’s not lie to ourselves.”

“You are not! And I’m not lying to anyone,” Peter said, fixing him in an intense stare. “Bad liar, remember?”

Again with the throwing words in his face. Maybe Peter was learning a little too fast.

“Yeah,” Wade said, a smile piquing at his lips. “Yeah, you’re pretty shit at lying.”

Peter smiled right back before leaning forward to kiss Wade once more, putting his free hand behind Wade’s neck. Wade, in turn, put his hands in Peter’s hair and kissed him right back. Fuck if it wasn’t gratifying, getting this close after he’d assumed Peter was a dead end. Open-mouthed kissing, or any kissing for that matter, had not been on the table, what, five minutes ago? And now look at them. Wade could have kept it up for the rest of eternity and been happy as a fox at a bunny convention.

Peter had to pull away sooner or later, though, and did so with a sharp breath. 

“So-” Peter said with a short gasp. “-you ready?.

“Ready to- bang?” Wade tried.

Peter pulled back only to shoulder him with a laugh. Well, he tried.

“Ready to go out, goofus,” Peter said, handing his mask back and turning to head for his wardrobe.

“Already? It’s only been a few days.”

“Well, I’m feeling pretty good and it’s never a bad time for Spidey to be on the streets.” Peter looked up from digging through his clothes and cocked his head at Wade.“You got anything better to do?”

Wade could have been scouting out another job. He could have been out having a churro. He could have been fuckin’ exterminating garden gnomes or inadvertently stopping some asshole from inducing ragnarok.

“Nope, definitely not,” Wade said, pulling his mask back on.

“Then give me a minute here.”

Peter didn’t bother telling him to get out as he stripped down and pulled out his spandex suit. Wade was privy to very, very nice view of Peter’s back and ass. Goddamn, that ass. The spider costume didn’t leave much to the imagination, but seeing it up front was just- Heel thyself, Wilson, you’re close, you don’t want him running away. Was Peter trying to give him blue balls? Did his healing factor cover blue balls? Probably. Despite his distraction, something about the scenario struck him as funny. Tasted funny. Like antifreeze in champagne, not bad, but very off. Note it down, think about it later. Yeah. Later. Definitely needed to move along before he grabbed Peter’s ass just then.

Wade made his way back over to the window, eyes glued to Peter the entire time and Peter met his eye as he pulled the bottom half up. They stared at each other for a painfully long moment before Peter’s lips turned up in a coy smile. Wade’s inner voices were begging Peter to stop or for Wade to look away; they couldn’t handle this many feelings without short-circuiting. Feelings and Deadpool were not a good mix. But look he did and the talking part of his brain short-circuited as predicted. He prayed to the powers that be that the rest of him wouldn’t fail.

“Meet you outside,” Wade managed as he made a break out the window, snagging his costume in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, you're not supposed to talk about better stories in your stories. Tends to eclipse the plot at hand. Well, "plot" in this case. I hope it's not horribly distracting here.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait for this chapter, wasn't intentional. I'm just very easily distracted by everything else I write. And I ended up cutting a chapter from the fic altogether because it wasn't working for me and was holding up everything else. Wade and Peter were gonna go out and fight crime and it was gonna be partially based on the Spider-man 2 video game, but it wasn't really story essential nor did it mesh well with the themes of the rest of the fic and it was generally difficult to write. Hopefully no one minds repetitive settings.

Peter was trying desperately to stop laughing as he slipped into his apartment after Wade. It was late and the sweet little spider wouldn’t want to wake the neighbors. But how could he not laugh? Wade sure as shit couldn’t think of many things funnier than a dude made of electricity and a dude made of sand beating each other up over a petty disagreement. Deadpool had pretty consistently found that when villains teamed up, the best thing to do was tease out some internal conflict, let it blossom from there, and enjoy the inevitable meltdown. Fulgarite was gonna be in surplus, someone out there had a new word to look up, and Peter was happier than Wade had seen him in a long time. Now that was success.

“Oh God,” Peter choked out as he shut the window and took off his mask. His eyes were pinched with laughter and Wade had never seen a bigger smile on his face.

“You shouldn’t be allowed to have this much fun, Petey,” Wade said, walking over to nudge Peter’s shoulder. “That kinda smile spreads like gonorrhea in a co-ed dorm.”

“And who gave me the gonorrhea?” Peter said, finally catching his breath. 

“I’d never try and make you smile, what are you talking about?”

“Smile? What are _you_ talking about?” Peter asked, giving him a coy half-smile. “I’m just wondering if you’re the reason why it burns when I pee.”

“Leave the bad jokes to me, Pete,” Wade said, playfully cuffing Peter’s middle.

“What, you think my jokes are good?”

“You don’t make jokes, your thing is one-liners, there’s a difference.”

Peter rolled his eyes and lightly shouldered Wade in the chest. “Guess you’re just rubbing off on me then.”

“Bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Wade said, his voice dropping an octave as he put his arms around Peter and rubbed down his sides.

Peter shivered and leaned into Wade, his expression intense and wanting from just that little gesture. Whoa, zero to eleven there. Wade hadn’t exactly been serious, but seeing the level of influence he had on Pete? That hit him way too hard.

“Wade,” Peter said in a small voice. In that one word, Wade had a very clear gist of exactly what Peter wanted. The only problem being that Wade was suddenly on unsteady ground. How old was Peter again? Nineteen? Was he going to regret this in a year?

“Peter, sweetness, I dunno-”

“Yes you do!” Peter cried out, head whipping up to look him in the face. He’d taken up a pout and- aw, he got such a babyface when he was excited. Getting hard to say no.

“Don’t tell me you don’t know,” Peter said, coming off strong even as Wade was tempted to pinch his cheeks. “You wouldn’t flirt and poke and dance around like you have for the past five months if you weren’t interested.”

Wade tipped his head back and shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe I want to dance around for another year or two, maybe I’m Catholic like that, you don’t know.”

Peter’s pout intensified and his brow scrunched up in that sad, sad way that hurt Wade right in his heart. All he wanted to do was cuddle Peter and tell him not to cry.

“Oh, come on, that’s not fair,” Wade said, doing his damnedest not to pick up Peter and hug the life out of him. “I can’t use my sad face to get what I want.”

“No,” Peter agreed slowly, his expression softening a bit. “It’s not fair.” 

Peter’s hands went to the rim of Wade’s mask and tugged. Right away, Wade tensed up and had to resist the urge to bat Peter’s hands away. Wade didn’t think he’d ever get used to it, to letting anyone take his first line of defense at will. For Peter, though, he’d get over himself.

The mask slipped off and Peter carelessly chucked it to the floor. 

“Almost forgot how handsome you are,” he purred. Wade appreciated that, even if he knew Peter was playing it up. He had to be playing it up.

“Yeah, it’s pretty easy to forget,” Wade laughed, shrugging.

Peter rolled his eyes and, after a moment of uncertain hesitation, wrapped his arms loosely around Wade’s neck. He leaned up against Wade lazily, and what else could Wade do but put a hand on Peter’s hip?

“Fuck me?” Peter asked, looking up at Wade with his eyes blown wide

Wade could have laughed at the dirty request and Peter’s innocent tone and his adorably blatant inexperience. It was too much; he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Sorry, Pete, I have to.”

Wade just barely caught Peter’s eyebrow cocking before he grabbed Peter around his back and lifted him up. He hugged Peter close, smiling a little too giddily as he pirouetted in place.

“Wade!” Peter whined, even as his legs came around Wade’s waist.

Wade stopped circling once he’d had his fill, only to press his cheek up against Peter’s.

“God, you’re cute,” he muttered, about as genuine as he got.

Peter gave a noncommittal grumble, but he wasn’t resisting at all. In fact, Wade might have felt him push back a little. That was gonna take some getting used to.

Wade pulled back to look Peter in the eye once he’d had his fill of nuzzling.

“So, you want me to do the fucking?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.

Peter nodded, a little too quickly for Wade’s tastes.

“You sure?” Wade pressed. “Kinda struck me as more of a toppy guy the other day.”

The flush that came over Peter’s face was priceless. Kid barely turned pink when he asked Wade to fuck him, but bring up the spider-humping incident and he got all hot and bothered.

“I did more than enough topping then,” he said, mustering up a smile. “I don’t need to do any more for a while.”

“Really wouldn’t mind,” Wade told him. “Kinda fun seeing you go all aggro and shit.”

Peter shook his head in one tight motion.

“I don’t think I really like being- aggro,” he said, a little too slow to be believable. “And you haven’t taken the lead between us since the day we met.”

“That is a lie,” Wade said, prodding Peter with one finger. “I stole a pizza for you and made you eat it. If that isn’t leading, I don’t know what is.”

Peter’s inhibition seemed to evaporate then and was replaced by a no-bullshit, are-you-kidding-me kind of frown. Yeah, it was kinda lame, but what was Wade supposed to do? Not argue?

“Alright, alright, message received,” Wade said. “You want me taking the lead? How ‘bout this?”

With one arm, Wade peeled Peter off of his front and flung him over his shoulder. Kinda caveman-ish, but hey, Peter started it and he had to test the waters somehow. All signs positive as Peter let out a giddy laugh and elbowed him once in the back. Good start, Wilson.

Of course, the move was immediately made redundant as Wade skipped over to Peter’s bed and tossed him onto it. Peter landed sideways, still giggling, and made a move to right himself. Wade couldn’t just let him do that.

Wade loosed some of the more pokey pieces of his costume and dropped them on the floor before covering Peter with his form. It was easy to pin Peter where he was, to wrap an arm around Peter’s shoulders and lean in to take in a breath against his scalp. Sweat, skin, silicon, coconut, Peter...

“Fuck, your shampoo is cheap, I love it,” he slurred without a single thought.

“Maybe- maybe you should rub it in sometime,” Peter said, the smile on his face fighting itself.

Now there was an idea. Wade would’ve killed - well, killed more than usual - just to have a few minutes in the shower with Peter, but being allowed to shampoo his hair? Yes, please. Maybe wash the rest of him if Wade was feeling greedy.

“One thing at a time, Pete, Jesus, you’re getting me off-target,” Wade bellyached, slipping off his gloves in the meantime.

“Then let me get you on-target.”

Peter twisted as best as he could and shoved his ass right up against Wade’s groin. Oh, fuck, there was that boner again. Wade reared back, but Peter wasn’t letting up.

“Hey, play nice, I got plans here,” Wade told him, slipping the top half of his costume off and discarding it.

“Coulda gotten naked first,” Peter mumbled as he stopped the grinding. Thank God. That ass could bring down nations.

“Not in the plan,” Wade sing-songed, leaning down again to kiss Peter’s cheek. “Come on, we want your first to go down right, don’t we?”

Peter’s blush was back as soon as Wade said “first.”

“How’d you know?”

“You just told me,” Wade said, reaching down to poke the tip of Peter’s nose. “Not a hard guess, you sweet little angel.”

Peter groaned and buried his face into the pillow in front of him. At least that gave Wade time to loosen up his boots and send them clattering to the floor. Maybe Peter had a point about pre-emptive nudity, but flexibility was an even greater asset than preparedness. Or so Wade told himself.

Now that Wade thought about it, Peter hadn’t done any pre-emptive stripping of his costume, so he wasn’t in any position to complain. Wade gave an experimental tug at the neckline, finding it stretchy, but with no obvious point of removal. Peter raised his head up, quirking his brow at Wade.

“Wanna show me how you get this thing off?” Wade asked, snapping the spandex and drawing a yelp from Peter.

“Ow! Jackass,” Peter whined, even as he moved to slip the thing off.

“You ask me to take control and you complain when I do,” Wade mused, reaching down to knead Peter’s ass. “Make up your mind, kid.”

Another grumble from Peter, but he wriggled his shoulders and arms out of the costume. Wade leered down at him, taking it all in as Peter laid himself bare. There wasn’t any getting around it: Peter was really pretty. Handsome. Flawless. Whatever adjective came to mind. And he was letting Wade at him. If it wasn’t such a mood killer, Wade might have giggled like a little girl.

The costume fell around Peter’s middle, at which point Peter glanced back and gave a playful little grin. If that wasn’t a dare, Wade didn’t know what was, and he’d taken more than one dare in his time. 

Wade gripped the fabric and tugged it, gently, too gently, downward. His fingers slipped over Peter’s skin at the same time, feeling the subtle texture of it. Mostly smooth with subtle hairs, scratches, bruises, scars. No one ever said superhero-ing didn’t come with risks. Maybe it was bad of him to enjoy it. Oh, who was he kidding? Of course it was. But Wade kinda liked the little indents here and there. It made Peter feel like Peter.

He hesitated at the waistline. Moment of truth. Of course, Wade already knew the truth, but he kind of wanted to draw it out. Make the moment last. You could only see Peter’s ass bared for the first time once after all. And who knew how many people had? No one else had touched it, Wade knew that much. That thought alone gave his boner a nice jolt. He had to make this special.

“What are you waiting for?” Peter asked, fidgeting a bit. “Come o-on, I want you.”

“I want you too, baby boy, you don’t even understand.” He dared to slip the spandex down a bit more. “Just want this to last forever, y’know?”

“You can stare at me anytime,” Peter said, turning to look back at Wade and rolling his eyes. “I want you to fuck me _now_.”

“You really, really sure you don’t want to top?” Wade asked, finally pushing the costume down so it crumpled over Peter’s knees.

Peter shuddered and shook his head again before burying it back in his pillow. Wade had a full view of him now and, yup, just as gorgeous as he’d thought. Taut ass, inviting hole, and a very pretty, very erect cock. Wade couldn’t help but be tempted to have a taste. And hey, what was stopping him?

Peter yelped and his whole body tensed up the second Wade got his mouth down there. He wasn’t looking to blow or rim or anything specific, only to give Peter some much deserved attention. Wade laved his tongue freely from Peter’s entrance to his cock to his balls and every bit of flesh in between.

“Wa-ade,” Peter cried out, any prior snark gone from his voice.

“How have you not gotten laid yet?” Wade asked between licks. “You should be drowning in pussy looking like you do.”

“Didn’t want anyone like I want you,” Peter mumbled back, like he was ashamed to admit it.

“Dunno if I believe that, but I’ll take it.”

Before Peter could respond, Wade gave the head of his cock a light suck. Peter howled and squirmed and his legs quaked like they could give out at any second. Jesus, if that’s what did it for Peter, Wade couldn’t wait to get to main event. Actually, yes, he could; he was having a grand time putting his face in Peter’s ass. Wasn’t that the goal here?

Wade migrated back up to seal his lips around Peter’s hole, focusing his efforts on getting it nice and slick. He spread Peter’s cheeks as wide as he could manage, all the while appreciating the somehow simultaneously soft and firm feel of them. If Peter had let him, Wade would have just sat there rubbing his face against them the entire night. Sometimes he struggled to pick a side in the battle of ass and tits, and Peter was really tempting him onto team ass.

“Fuck, Wade, I can’t stand it,” Peter mewled up front.

“Can’t stand what?” Wade slurred as he pulled his face back. “How fuckin’ degenerate all this is?”

“Fuck me,” Peter gritted out through his teeth, tears pricking at his eyes.

“Sorry, little deaf in this ear.” Wade rested his chin over top of Peter’s ass, ever-so-sweetly smiling up at him “Could you repeat?”

“Fuck. Me.” Peter emphasized both words with an insistent kick to Wade’s torso. “Dick,” he added as he looked away.

“You need to stop calling me that, Peter. Makes the jokes way too easy, even for me.”

“Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.”

With every repetition, Peter nudged Wade with his foot. The more Peter repeated the word, the more it sounded like some perverted monk’s mantra. Better get on with it before he forgot what a dick even was. 

“Alright, alright, you want dick already, calm your tits.” Wade slipped off of the bed as he spoke, grabbing for his discarded belt. “Or don’t, that’s fine too.”

“Wa-ade,” Peter whined, shifting back on the bed.

“Hang in there, Pete,” Wade said as he shook a packet of lube out of one of his pockets. Well, that, some pubic clippings, and a couple Junior Mints.

“Wouldn’t have bothered with this crap if I knew you’d piss around this long.”

Wade turned around, finally, only to find Peter had rolled onto his back and was giving him the wrong kind of dirty look.

“Piss around?” Wade echoed, hopping back on the bed and tearing open the packet. “I’m a cold calculated killer, Peter, how could you say that about me?”

“You’re asking for it, that’s how,” Peter retorted, his expression only twisting further into an adorable glare. “I’m a minute away from jacking off and sleeping on the ceiling. Get on with it.”

Wade could have given Peter some well-deserved snark, but instead, he tuned Peter out as he kept up his bitching. Wade squeezed the lube into his palm and took his time smearing it over his fingers before slipping his fingers between Peter’s legs. The second Wade’s slick fingers found his entrance, Peter shuddered and clamped his mouth shut.

“Nothing to say to that, baby boy?” Wade teased, putting some gentle pressure against his opening. Peter’s cheeks turned a very pretty shade of pink, but he stayed quiet. Stubborn kid.

“No?” Wade mock-pouted while pressing a bit harder. Peter might look tense, but he relaxed at the insistent pressure. Wade had to bite his cheek from groaning when his finger slipped to the first joint. Peter looked about ready to burst at this point, his lips wet and parted and his eyes firmly glued to Wade’s face.

“Maybe if I-” Wade wriggled the tip of his finger about, intentionally keeping the depth shallow. Chances were, Peter would never be as oblivious to what he was doing the first time, so why not play with that?

“That- is that supposed to feel so- weird?”

“Yeah,” Wade said with a nod. It was a half-truth at least. “Yeah, that’s right.”

He sat there for a moment, just testing the muscles there. Peter was tense and quivering on the inside, and Wade was waiting like a mugger in a dark alley. Mugger? Well, he wasn’t that petty. Sure, Wade sometimes took things that weren’t necessarily his, but - No! No tangents. _Peter_. During the derailment of his train of thought, Peter had relaxed around his finger. With that, Wade took the opportunity and pushed in as far as he could go.

Peter squawked and tensed up all over again, digging his nails into the bed. Tears pricked at his eyes and he clenched his teeth.

“And that’s supposed to hurt?” he gritted out.

“We-ell, it’s not for sure, but...” Wade hooked his finger a bit, drawing another pained yelp from Peter. “It does at first, most of the time. I’d know.”

“You didn’t think to mention that?”

“And scare you off? Fuck that.”

Wade gave another blind prod and Peter sucked in a sharp breath.

“Oh,” he said, just above a whisper. His eyes grew distant and his brow furrowed a bit, like he was trying to process what had just happened.

There it was. Wade stole the moment to press in a second finger, joining the first on that same spot and pressing harder this time.

Peter’s back arched sharply, and his eyes and mouth went wide as he moaned. Wade wasn’t one for being sentimental, but man, he didn’t think he’d ever seen anything sexier than Peter right then.

“Feel good?” Wade asked, scissoring his fingers as he kept the pressure on.

“Keep going, please, please,” Peter begged, reaching out to grab Wade’s shoulder.

“Well, what’s it look like I’m doing, sitting around with a thumb up my ass? Or your ass?”

“Could do a lot better than a thumb.” Peter gave a hungry stare at Wade’s groin, showing his teeth in a not-quite-smile. “I can take it, come on.”

“Well, I _dunno_ , Peter,” Wade said, shoving his fingertips at Peter’s prostate and earning himself another desperate cry. “Now that I think about it, you are still a sensitive virgin, and I’m kinda tired, and we don’t even have condoms, and-”

“Wade, if you’re not fucking me in the next ten seconds I’ll web you to this bed and- _God, fuck_!”

In the time Peter had taken to start his little rant, Wade had pulled his fingers out, finally shed his pants, and begun prodding the head of his cock at Peter’s entrance.

“All you had to do was ask,” Wade smirked and pressed a little harder. He debated himself on if he should add just a little bit more pressure when Peter settled matters for him.

Peter dug his fingers into Wade’s forearm and arched against him, and Wade couldn’t hold back a strangled groan as his cock inched into Peter.

“Fuck!” Peter cried, and dug his nails into Wade’s arm. He didn’t pull away, Wade noted with a satisfied smirk, and he watched Peter’s face intently while he got used to the intrusion.

“Goddamn, you really are a virgin, aren’t you?” Wade asked, grimacing a bit as he got used to the clamp around his cock. “Could get used to this.”

“Don’t- don’t hold your breath,” Peter said, even as he was losing his. His chest was rising and falling in rapid motions, his body doing everything it could to accommodate Wade. Bless Peter’s little heart. And ass. They were both trying so hard.

He bottomed out after a moment, pushing Peter’s legs back and out of the way. Just like he’d thought, Peter was as bendy as they came. Wade sure as hell couldn’t have bent his legs like Peter, not on his back.

“All in, Pete,” Wade said, leaning over him. “How you doing?”

“Fine,” Peter gritted through his teeth even as he struggled to focus on Wade.

“Lookin’ fine, that’s for sure. But you think you’re ready?”

“Ye-es,” Peter whined, bringing his legs around Wade’s waist to goad him on.

“I dunno,” Wade said with a click of his tongue. “Maybe I should give it another minute, start slow.”

“No, ple-ease!” Peter whimpered, snappy facade finally breaking. “I want it, Wade, I want it, you don’t have to be gentle, please, please, please.”

“Well. Since you asked so nicely,” Wade said, reaching out to pet Peter’s cheek. “After all, no one puts baby boy in the corner.”

“Oh, for the love of- fuck!”

Wade pulled out and shoved back in with one smooth motion, letting out a groan that meshed with Peter’s. It was a slick slide, but still almost too tight. Peter wasn’t used to this, that much was obvious, but he wasn’t short on enthusiasm.

“Fuck, Wade, fuck yes, oh God,” Peter panted throughout, his eyes wide and pupils threatening to turn him into Michael Myers.

Wade must have been doing something right.

He shoved Peter’s legs back even farther, giving himself room to lean over the kid. Peter was practically bent in half and then some, and he was just laying there, heels over head, moaning. Wade knew that spiders could do some crazy shit, but he couldn’t imagine taking one of those hingy legs, bending it into its and not having it snap at some point. Not like he was complaining. Peter was as hot as he’d ever been, curled up like a pretzel.

Wade paused thrusting for a second to steal a kiss on Peter’s mouth, only to get a whine in return.

“Don’t stop,” came the ungrateful complaint.

“And here I thought you’d like a little romance,” Wade teased, giving a shallow thrust into Peter.

Peter flush deepened and he tilted his head back with a pleasured sigh.

“Only if the romance involves you fucking my ass harder.”

“Y’know, I’d never have guessed you’re a power-bottom just looking at you,” 

Wade smirked and picked up his pace before slowing down again. He’d do that all night, if it meant enjoying the look of tortured bliss on Peter’s face.

“Fuck you,” Peter breathed, no venom in his words.

“No, I think you’ve got that backwards.”

Peter rolled his eyes before taking in a deep breath and correcting himself.

“Fuck _me_ ,” he gasped, clinging to Wade like he’d die if he didn’t. And, you never know, he might just. Was Wade willing to take that risk? Of course not.

“Hold on, baby,” Wade warned as he pulled out almost all the way. “Gonna take you for a wild ride.”

Peter had a second to give an inquisitive look before Wade slammed back in and started pounding him. From then on, his face was a straight shot of ecstasy, mouth hanging open and eyes ready to roll up in his head. Oh, yeah, that was the stuff. Wade could have kept going for hours with that view and he might have too.

Wade framed Peter’s body with his arms, grabbing at Peter’s biceps and shoving in just as fast as he shoved out. Peter was moaning inches away from his face and Wade could smell the arousal coming off him better than ever. Wade wouldn’t have minded just staying there, pressing his face into Peter’s neck and taking in that pheromone-y, latex shampoo-y smell. Peter probably wouldn’t have liked that very much, especially with not how fast he was coming into his orgasm. Kid was a virgin after all, and he didn’t have any kind of recovery factor like Wade. He was going like a train headed for a brick wall.

“Wade,” he breathed like a prayer, hands grabbing at nothing. “I’s too- i’s too…”

“S-sh, let go, baby, let it happen,” Wade soothed, squeezing one of his arms.

Just like that, Peter clenched around Wade and his eyelids fluttered. One glance downward and Wade caught him splattering cum over his belly. Well, fuck, that was about the hottest thing Wade had ever seen. He wasn’t gonna be far behind at this rate.

Wade kept hammering on Peter through his climax, chasing his own. He went harder, slower, working to hit his own sweet spots. Little bit more, he said to himself, just one more. And he said it again. And again. And- _oh, shit_!

Wade braced himself against the bed as he spilled inside Peter, letting out a groan to mix with Peter’s. He gave a couple more shallow thrusts and milked everything he could out of himself. Right as he was ready to pull out, Wade was realizing just how good Peter’s insides felt. They were gonna need to do this again. And again. And again.

“Oh, fuckin’ wow, Pete,” Wade drawled as he drew himself out, taking a healthy amount of lube and cum with him.

He let himself collapse on top of Peter, completely covering the lithe form beneath him from the chest down. His head rested against Peter’s chest and he smiled with a satisfaction that Wade wouldn’t have normally allowed himself.

“You are just-”

As he focused on Peter’s face once more, he found that his eyes were glassy and far away. He stared straight forward at nothing in particular. Either that orgasm had really broken him, or…

“Peter?” Wade tried, reaching up to give him a cautious poke on his nose.

In an instant, Peter flailed to life, shoving Wade off of himself with that spider strength. Wade was forced down towards the foot of the bed as Peter scrambled to the floor. He had a bad feeling about where Peter was going. Hauling himself up, Wade tackled Peter as he tried to get away. Wade caught him around the waist, but Peter didn’t slow down for even a second. He dragged Wade along all the same as he scuttled up the wall and then across the ceiling. It was a mini-rollercoaster and the best that Wade could do was hold on for his life. It was kind of amazing, just how much muscle was packed into those tiny, little abs Peter had. He hadn’t even broken a sweat and wasn’t looking to start. Wade needed to step up his game.

So Wade was hanging in there, arms wrapped around Peter’s torso as he clung to the ceiling. He was a couple feet off of the floor, but it seemed a lot higher, kind of like monkey bars. Except naked. Maybe Wade should have been concerned about anyone walking in or peeking through the window and seeing both of their bare asses, but he wasn’t. People could chat all they wanted about the freaky shit Peter got up to.

Wade swung his legs idly, testing just how solid Peter was. Sure enough, Spider-kid didn’t budge. He didn’t even seem aware of Wade’s presence.

“What’s the matter, baby?” Wade asked, fighting gravity just to catch a glimpse at Peter’s back.

Peter didn’t seem to be aware at all, and his face was hidden against his chest, from Wade’s limited view. He was acting spidery, but it wasn’t like the past several times. It was more of Peter trying to hide and less of him trying to tear Wade’s face off. Peter  
confided in him about being scared a while back, maybe that applied here too. Maybe that’s what they meant when they said spiders are more afraid of you than you are of them. Wade was still pretty sure that that was bullshit, but it puts things into perspective.

“Did I scare you?”

Peter made no movement, but, well, he wasn’t _not_ listening to Wade. No reason not to keep talking.

“I bet I did,” Wade cooed. “Poor baby boy, I didn’t mean to. I know, I know, I can be pretty intimidating, but I’d never hurt a little spider like you.”

Peter’s head twitched then, as though to track where the sound was coming from. Progress.

“And you were having such a good time! You boss me around like a champ. Should’ve been on top, I swear to God. It’s not my fault you said no to topping, if that’s the problem.”

Again, Peter’s head shifted, this time more clearly towards Wade. He grumbled, almost inaudibly, but Wade caught it. So he wasn’t all spidery.

“Peter, I know you’re in there, and no, I’m not going away. I don’t hide things I don’t like about myself from you, you’re not allowed to do it to me.”

“Hrmr,” was the only response Peter seemed to give

“Come on, get off of the ceiling at least,” Wade pressed. “Can’t understand a word you’re saying up there.”

“Let go,” Peter enunciated, raising his voice a bit. “Don’t want to hurt you.”

“Psh, hurt me. Can’t die over here, remember?”

“I’ll break both our necks if you’re still hanging on when I jump down. Let. Go.”

Oh. Wade wasn’t sure if that was a warning or a threat, but he couldn’t really argue.

With that, Wade let his arms slip off of Peter’s torso and tumbled down the couple feet until he landed right on his ass. Ow. If anything, Wade should have been worried about breaking his ass.

Peter flipped down next to him, landing elegantly on his feet. Wade couldn’t help but smile like an idiot at him. Something about the ease and flexibility of Peter’s movement just pushed all the right buttons. And Peter still being naked helped. He wasn’t supposed to be getting a boner just then, so Wade stood up and thought of dead puppies.

Peter wasn’t moving and had pulled his arms up into his chest like he was cold. With that thought, Wade put an arm around him, offering contact, but doing his best to avoid spider-wrath. To his relief, Peter nudged up against Wade, taking the extra body heat and avoiding eye contact all the while. Wade wasn’t about to push any further, so he took Peter around the middle and swayed them both gently back and forth. Peter would talk when he wanted to and that’s exactly what he did.

“You know how- when I tried to hide the first time I- y’know.”

“When you rubbed off on my ass, yeah, I know.”

Peter gave an uncomfortable grumble and his shoulders tensed up.even further.

“It’s just-” Peter sighed and leaned back into Wade. “God, this is stupid.”

“The only thing stupid in this room is me, Pete, don’t worry.”

Even as he joked, Peter’s face was only getting more and more sad. Even with the limited view, Wade knew a frown when he saw one. It made Wade’s heart clench.

“I was scared that, well, that you might- eat me. And I thought that just then too.”

“Really? ‘Cause I thought you wanted to eat me for a while there.”

“Maybe I did. Or the spider part of me wanted to. Maybe it changed it’s mind or- something.” Peter curled in on himself more and more as he kept talking. “I don’t know. I’m a mess.”

“You’re not a mess, you’re cluttered. That ain’t a problem.”

Peter’s sad face wasn’t going away. In fact, it was only getting frownier and Peter was only getting more and more accurate in his pill bug impression. Wade brought the two of them down onto the shabby rug below, coaxing Peter into his lap.

“I”m not gonna eat you,” Wade tried, petting down Peter’s back. “You’re too skinny for that.”

“I know,” Peter whimpered. “I know you’d never actually do that, I’m not dumb, but I can’t get it out of my head. One minute I’m fine and the next it’s just- terror.”

“Aw, baby.” Wade leaned down to bump his face face up against Peter’s. “Wish you’d said something earlier. I don’t want you scared.”

Peter let their faces touch for a moment before curling up further against Wade’s chest. Wade let him, just about enveloping Peter in a ploy to make him feel safe. He could sit there all night and day if it made Peter feel better. After a while of waiting, though, Peter spoke again.

“I’d hate to just be…”

“What?” Wade nudged.

“Disposable,” Peter said, just above a whisper. “I feel like I am, I feel it really deep in my gut. Like you- not even just you, like anyone will just toss me and move on when they’re done with me. Like maybe I should just let myself be eaten.”

Something deep within Wade broke. It felt like heartbreak, but heavier, more oppressive from just how much it hurt to hear Peter say those words. The idea of Peter thinking those things for even a second made Wade want to go out and strangle people.

“No,” Wade said finally.

“No?” Peter echoed, giving him a timid glance. 

“No,” Wade repeated. “I don’t fuckin’ care if the whole city treats you like garbage, you are the opposite of disposable. Indisposable, that’s you, Peter, and no one’s eating you.”

“I don’t-”

“No, sh,” Wade interrupted, shoving his hand over Peter’s mouth. “Not an argument. And you know you’re indisposable ‘cause if anyone else tried to argue about this with me, I’d shoot him dead. Can’t shoot you dead, ‘cause you’re not disposable. Simple.”

Peter stared at him with wide, unblinking eyes for a moment before a snort of laughter escaped out his nose. Oh, that felt good to hear.

“I know you’d shoot people for me, Wade,” Peter said, bumping his head up against Wade’s chest. “I’d just rather you didn’t.”

“Baby, that’s the hard part, not shooting them. But I’ll not do it, just for you.”

“Guess I should be honored.”

“Honored? Hell, no. But hey, is it ever bad to have a guy with an arsenal on your side?”

“Just wish you wouldn’t use it so much.”

“Is this the part where I joke about other weapons I use a lot instead?” Wade made a not-so-subtle glance down at Peter’s groin, and was delighted to hear Peter chuckle.

“You’re hopeless,” Peter purred as the tight line of his shoulders slumped a little.

“Little harsh, don’t you think?” Wade scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, here I am, telling you you’re indisposable, and all you can come up with is “hopeless”?” He feigned a sniff of offense and turned the other way.

Like he had hoped, Peter soon grasped his chin and turned him back so they were facing again, and he pressed his lips to Wade’s.

“You might be hopeless, but you’re not disposable either,” he murmured as he pulled back.

“Sweet-talker,” Wade sing-songed.

Before Peter could say anything, Wade leaned forward and stole Peter’s lips back. How could he not? They were right there and they were soft and Peter tasted kind of like limes and he couldn’t just not.

Peter wasn’t going anywhere either. He leaned right in and deepened the kiss, pushing Wade back in the process. Wade leaned back and let himself be bowled over, let Peter shove him against the floor until they were straight up making out, naked, on the floor. Sure, maybe anyone else would call it weird, but Wade had absolutely no problem with any of it. How could he say no to his little spider taking charge?


End file.
